The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
