My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My ass is underappreciated
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
