How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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