Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this just has baby written all over it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
