like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
nutella sex= disaster
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
