Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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