he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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