we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
