nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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