R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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