Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
