thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
