Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
