he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
