Jerry, you need to find god
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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