my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
