So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
