watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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