I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She even gives head with a lisp.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
