just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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