So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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