I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
