FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
