Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
