1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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