I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
