so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My ass is underappreciated
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
