I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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