I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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