I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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