I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
