OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
