if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
