I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
