...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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