I think i peed on brittanys purse
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
