im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
