so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
