I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
