I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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