so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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