made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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