Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
