I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
