I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
