I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
