i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
