just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
