I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
