I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
