I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
