I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
