yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
