At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
